And hey Sweetie, I need you here tonight...

Welp, I’m stressed. So much more so than I really need to be. There is so much going on and not enough time to explain it, so here’s the rundown. Hell week. I’ve already outlined that, but let’s be honest. This week, I’m actually scared for the fate of this show, and how great it won’t be. On top of which I’m spending all my time onstage, in costume, which translates to not eating or being able to do my homework, because it’s not feasible time-wise or in terms of where I am at any given moment. In addition to which, I’m acting in a show I hate, and I am a terrible actor as it is. Let’s not forget that we don’t have as many props as we need, I don’t even have a complete costume, and, well…marketing. We didn’t even start marketing until a week ago. I don’t know whether I’m excited or scared more. And I’m about ready to cry.

Not to mention I went home last night too tired to eat and still, even though I got enough sleep, woke up tired and clearly not wanting to come to school. I also feel it necessary to mention I have far too much homework in far too many classes, and we aren’t done with tech, nor are we going cue to cue, nor have we even touched the last scene of the play. I woke up this morning tired and sick and in no mood to come to school, but I still dragged myself out of bed, made myself look put together and came to school, on time, because people are depending on me and nobody gives a shit about how my life is going at the moment. I feel like a train wreck. I went and had a nice long bath last night, and had half a mind to drown myself in my bathwater. I scalded myself as it was, and nearly relapsed with SH. I am not in a god headspace and I’m very much done. Right now, I’m really at the point where I would rather simply quit high school and go straight onward to college, to the real world, because it can’t be that much worse than this, but I also realize that it’s probably a lot worse, especially for a head case like me.

Posted 6 days ago